They're Adult Boys, not Men.

Masta Z and Mayor Ferg cir. 2011

Masta Z and Mayor Ferg cir. 2011

When the then Mayor of Milwaukie and I were just friends what struck me about him was that I never, not once, caught him staring at my cleavage - and I have big breasts.


I know it must have been hard, I know what level of focus and restraint that takes. It's not often as a woman that you meet a man with that level of respect for a woman and her body. He was also one of the few males in my adult life that treated my intellect with equaled deference.


Understandably, many thought we were having an affair. It's that hard to believe that a man (and a woman for that matter) could have a level of control over our bodies that a majority of people aren't capable of. But we respected each other, and thus we respected the relationships we had in our separate marriages. When I told him I was getting divorced he stopped talking to me for six weeks. I didn't understand why at the time, but he was trying to be respectful, and not take advantage of a vulnerable situation as he was also wading through his own imminent divorce. 


That's when I fell in love with him. When you find a man that won't try to destroy you because of your intellect, a man that won't try to disassemble all you have built out of jealousy for you accomplishing what he wasn't capable of, a man that doesn't take advantage of you when the doors seem as if they've been flung right open to be taken advantage of, you want nothing but to run to it, cherish what you have, protect it, and never let it go. It's that rare. You then come to the realization that your whole adult life you've dated and married adult boys, not men. Real men are so few and far between they've become as endangered as our beloved African elephant. And when they do surface it's hard to ignore.


I've fucked up a lot of things. Jeremy has fucked up some stuff too. Sometimes you have to fuck stuff up to get it right. And if you learn from that, and you do get to a place where you can spot the rare thing when it reveals itself, life will hand you the grand slam. And if you're bold enough to step up to the plate you'll hit it. (Literally and figuratively of course.) And you'll knock that shit out of the park.


You've spent years, hell sometimes decades, swinging and missing, but with each failed attempt you learned, and tried again, and showed back up - usually dirty from the attempt and crying from the wounds it created. But you kept on fucking trying, and eventually, you, and he, and maybe the world, will get it right.


XO, MZ 💋


"I did then what I knew how to do.

Now that I know better, I do better."

Maya Angelou