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Mandy Zelinka is the former Digital Marketing Manager for KEVIN.MURPHY International and owned one of the largest award-winning salons in Portland, Oregon. She was also Voted Best Hairstylist in Portland in 2016 by The Portland Fashion + Style Awards and is currently a writer and the CEO of The Zelinka Agency.
But she's best known for tobogganing down the Great Wall of China as a United States Diplomat and First Lady of a City.
Baby’s first penis: Views first male genitalia by being flashed by classmate while learning the ABC’s.
*Gives new meaning to private school.
Wins first place trophy for solo jazz dance performance.
*Immediately quits. Just wanted the trophy and the fly attire.
With broken wing, tries out for Little League and still kills it.
*Everyone thinks she’s a boy because of her short hair + skill level.
Executed first A-line haircut on ‘friend.’
*Relationship ends soon thereafter.
Becomes Three Sport Scholar Athlete. Voted Junior class Vice President. Achieves First Team PIL (Portland Interscholastic League) for Softball.
*First love breaks up with her. Ms. Zelinka takes to wearing lipstick and nail polish during sport seasons in attempt to alert boys to the fact that she's on their team and ready to play. Develops signature look.
Voted most unique c/o '95 by classmates.
*Becomes immediately discouraged for not having been voted prettiest.
I mean, she did her hair everyday guys c’mon.
FRESHMAN YEAR // THE COLLEGE MONTHS
ALL THREE OF THEM
Failed to make it to softball season by achieving a .83 GPA. Fails writing 101 yet again.
*Gets taunted for dropping out to head to beauty school by conservative Republican douche bag classmate. DGAF.
Enters Beauty School. (BS)
*Immediately takes on next level sarcasm use as coping mechanism.
Narrowly loses Supercuts competition.
*Receives participation trophy. Still has it.
Starts working in the wonderful world of Hairstyling.
*Immediately takes two extra part-time jobs.
Buys first house.
*Soon after takes on Jeep car payment because that’s smart.
Buys second house and 2400 sq. ft. salon in Downtown Portland.
Thought process: "I still have enough time to go bankrupt and start over if I do it this young."
*Almost goes bankrupt.
Salon Voted Best in the City. College drop-out guilt alleviated.
*Parents still complain that salon isn’t convenient to get to because *parking* and therefore never come to events such as parties hosted for winning prestigious awards like the one listed above. College drop-out guilt remains in tact.
Became a step mom. Moves to ‘burbs.
*Becomes step mom. Moves to ‘burbs.
Because of loud mouth honesty and local activism, Ms. Zelinka gets asked to run for City Council by the Mayor of the town she was living in.
*Ms. Zelinka proceeds to idolize Mayor. Gets divorced soon thereafter. Loses step kids, dog, the need for a house, and cat runs away in disgust. Starts excuding signs of mid-life crisis.
THIRTY SIX TO FOURTY
In the throws of a full-blown mid-life crisis, proceeds to cry for literally four years straight due to the release of emotions partly caused from heavy helicopter parenting as a child, a handful of horrible choices in men, and trudging through life emotionless. Lack of emotion having been used as her armor of choice. Loses ability to see kids because 'stepmom'. Gains ability to see kids because 'stepmom'.
*Tries to abandon career, sells most of her shit, moves to Seattle with the Mayor and proceeds to commute three hours for work.
FOURTY // END OF MID LIFE CRISIS
Wins award for the Best Hairstylist in Portland.
Immediately quits. Just wanted the trophy and the fly attire.
*Starts over again.
"I did then what I knew how to do.
Now that I know better, I do better."
MANDY ZELINKA IS THE FORMER FIRST LADY OF MILWAUKIE, OREGON AND FORMER DIGITAL MARKETING MANAGER FOR KEVIN.MURPHY INTERNATIONAL. SHE ALSO OWNED 77, ONE OF THE LARGEST AWARD-WINNING SALONS IN PORTLAND, OREGON AND WAS THE RECIPIENT OF THE 2016 BEST HAIRSTYLIST OF PORTLAND BY THE PORTLAND FASHION AND STYLE AWARDS AND IS CURRENTLY A WRITER AND THE CEO OF THE ZELINKA AGENCY.
BUT SHE'S BEST KNOWN FOR TOBOGGANING DOWN THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA AS A UNITED STATES DIPLOMAT AND FIRST LADY OF A CITY.
— I’d love to hear from you! XO, MZ 💋